You should know this about me if we’re ever to be friends:
1. I talk at the theatre and I don’t see anything wrong with that. I only talk about the movie at hand, and I don’t want to miss it either, so I won’t interrupt dialogue, but I don’t see what the point is of watching something, if you don’t get to say anything about it.
2. I don’t agree with you about anything. I don’t expect you to agree with me either, so I’m not pushy or argumentative, but if you’re in any state of expecting to be agreed with, you probably don’t want to be around me. I’m used to being disagreed with, and I won’t think bad of you, unless your views are exceptionally stupid, in which case, it’s me that probably won’t be friends with you.
3. I’m pretty awkward , which, I know, right, we’re all awkward, but I’m including this item, because in the past I haven’t been the most familiar with what you might think are the most common of social conventions, and so I might not respond the way you would expect to regular everyday occurances, and I just want to assure you that I don’t mean any harm or offense.
4. I might correct your grammar but not always, and I’m not terribly picky, and really I’m more likely to correct something if it actually matters, like if you use a word incorrectly or something like that. If you make spelling/grammar/punctuation mistakes in your Facebook status, it will bother me, but I (usually) won’t say anything.
5. Sometimes I will know more about stuff than you , and I know that the reverse is true as well and I’m okay with that, but what I’m saying is that very occasionally, there will be something that you really actually care about that I will know more about than you will. Your favourite book/movie/tv show, for instance. I’m pretty quick to back off from points that I’m fuzzy on or need to check my sources, but if you challenge me on something that I know, then I’m not going to back down, even if it’s something I’ve got no business knowing anything about. I’d like to apologize for this in advance.
6. When I say “it’s fine”, it really is fine and that’s worth mentioning for two reasons. First of all, it means that I also assume when you say “it’s fine” that it is indeed fine, and if you get mad at me for something after the fact, I’m going to be confused. Secondly, what that means is that if something is not fine, I will tell you quite loudly and precisely why and how it is not fine. What I’m saying is that, if you prefer to shove things under the rug to avoid a fight, I’m not who you’re looking for.
7. I won’t give you compliments–not unnecessary ones, anyway. I’m not going to say I like your earrings, just because I’ve noticed that you are wearing earrings and I think they’re okay. But if I do in fact like your earrings (or something else complimentary) I will tell you that, and I hope that means something.
8. I don’t like your baby names. Also: I don’t think that guy you like is cute.
9. If I give you a book, it means I like you. The more I like the book I am giving you, the more I like you or at least feel that I can entrust something I love to you and hope you will cherish it like I do. If I lend you one of my books, it means that not only do I like you, but I trust you to retain the pre-borrowed condition.
10. I probably won’t cry in front of you, and by the time I get around to talking about my emotional stuff, I’ll probably have it so hardened that it will seem like I don’t care about it. But I do care. I just don’t know how else to be.
I think that’s all my stuff. Or at least all that’s worth pre-screening.
